“What’s wrong?” they asked.
I listed all my symptoms of anxiety that brought me to my hands and knees at that moment one by one. The emergency workers had an idea of what was going on and brushed aside a number of my complaints. “Would you want us to drive you to the hospital or would you like to drive yourself?” “Drive myself? Are you mad!” I thought. I hopped in the ambulance and off we went to the nearest hospital. This was followed by the usual procedure of checking my blood pressure and my breathing.
When we got to the hospital, I had to wait for 30 minutes in my hyperventilating condition before I was even called up to confirm my personal information, which was followed by more waiting and then finally getting on a hospital bed. Then came tests. Tests I’ve done in the past were stress test, ECG, blood tests, chest X-ray, throat ultrasound, and heart ultrasound, just to name a few. As I lay there with needles and wires all throughout my body, I thought, “How could someone with such promise in life have gotten to the point I have? I should be at work helping and mentoring kids through a wonderful sport called tennis, loving the fact I get to stay in shape and be active in my career and then look forward to going home and spending a wonderful evening with my family.”
Unfortunately that was the dream, and my anxiety was the very thing holding me way back from that dream
After six hours of being in the emergency waiting and doing tests, I was told there was nothing more they could do. All the tests came back negative and I was free to go home. I felt a massive amount of relief. I felt happy, calm and relieved and my panic subsided, but could they have missed something?
I was no stranger to the emergency room. From the ages of 25 to 31, I had logged over 50 visits, sometimes before and after important professional tennis matches. The ER visits were due to either a bad panic attack caused by a situation from the past that triggered panic, or a scary physical sensation, but I should have picked up on the chain of thoughts and why the cycle kept going day after day. The way I interpreted the world around me and the judgments I made of things was ultimately being stored in my subconscious mind. I played the same recording over and over, day after day without a break, and ultimately paid the price through these panic attacks and generalized anxiety.
My emotions, as they were happening, were just signals that I needed to react to the current situation. What I’ve learned is that I needed to read the emotion and react accordingly, which I wasn’t. If I was feeling scared, for example,
I should have looked at the root cause of that emotion, not the situation I was in at that moment.
All main emotions have secondary emotions that are usually causing them. I should have tried to understand what secondary emotions might be coming into play at any time that was causing me to feel upset or anxious. You are never feeling an emotion “for no reason.” There is usually a trigger that you experienced that set off a secondary emotion, which then builds up with all of the other feelings you have been suppressing, and causes an emotional reaction that seems out of sync with what you are experiencing. The key here is to be aware of those deep-seeded underlying secondary emotions that are causing whatever negative feelings you are having, and deal with those feelings first.
Once you pay attention to those feelings, you can turn them around and begin to improve your overall outlook. Knowing what causes your negative feelings can work a great deal towards ending the cycle of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and panic attacks. What drove me to the ER were one of the two different kinds of anxiety symptoms I experienced throughout a day:
- There was the lingering kind such as a lump in the throat feeling, more commonly known as Globus Hystericus, or the dizzy feeling of literally feeling like you’re walking in a dream and no one can really see or hear you.
- Or there were the sudden symptoms in the form of a heart palpitation that seemed to rise from nowhere and scared the life out of me, or the numbness/tingling in my arms that led me to always think a stroke was right around the corner, but as always I was wrong again…thankfully.
I truly wish that The Anxiety Guy e-book sells many copies, so I can go back to the local ER and give each one of those triage nurses some type of large gift for all their effort in putting up with me. Boy was I stubborn!
A hypochondriac hardly ever believes the negative result that is handed to him after many physical tests done, and I was no exception.
I fiercely held my ground, letting each and every one of them there know that they needed to see I was physically sick, and the tests were wrong. It was a tug of war battle, and I should have paid closer attention and began building on those facts that would begin growing my belief that there was in fact nothing to fear, and it was as many had told me “all in my head.”
I began not mentioning anything about my anxiety problems just so that the doctors wouldn’t do the same tests again and again. If they gave me a different test for the complaint I had, then maybe I would find out what was making me feel the way I was and I could find a cure and it would all be done and I could go back to living free and happy how I once was.
I just couldn’t accept that this was all being caused by me and my fear and worry, it was too easy a solution and I couldn’t get my head wrapped around this idea for a very long time, and people that were close to me in my life were growing more and more concerned and confused every day. If I would have just taken a few steps back and evaluated what was going on mentally, I would be able to start working on finding tools that would eventually lead me to freedom from anxiety and end these awful experiences.
For an overly anxious person, the decision to go to a regular doctor rather than the emergency room was an easy one in the moments of crisis. In my experiences with regular doctors, it was almost like they were waiting for me to show them a sign of a mental disorder so that they could write out the prescription and send me off. It didn’t seem like any of them really cared about the root causes of my issues and wanted to lead me in the right direction. They just treated the symptoms on the surface.
In the case of depression, This was unacceptable to me for a few reasons:
1. Because our society has been conned to believe that antidepressants in most cases work, but in fact have millions of people who are clinically depressed sitting at home with no true treatment plan, and the numbers are getting worse each year.
2. We are told to believe that depression is a one size fits all solution, which it’s not, and in fact needs a different approach depending on the case. This just tells me that there are a group of very rich people sitting around and laughing at us all in the back of their minds, since the intake of these drugs have more than tripled in the last decade around the world, and we are being more and more deceived.
3. My overall trust in science was sadly meeting its end, and we are never told the REAL reason for most of our mental health problems, which is that what is causing us to feel sick is also making us more depressed. Toxic metals in the body, such as Mercury, and many other things, are all contributing greatly for our failed mental health. I believe we should get to the root of the problem and fix the cause of the sickness instead of managing the sickness with pills, and we just might be headed in the right direction.
That’s when I started doing some research. I started visiting a naturalist rather than doctors. A naturopath looks at different things in your life that could be contributing to your ailments. They will do a few simple tests to tell you what foods your body will accept and gain benefit from and what foods your body will reject and could be causing the fatigue that your body is going through. It was the start of a break-through for me.